National Adoption Month and Foster Care: Conflicted thoughts of a Social Worker

I have mixed feelings about National Adoption Month. Don't get me wrong, adoption is a beautiful thing and I get so excited to see the signs of how many days a kid was in foster care and celebrate with them that they are now adopted. Its amazing to see the joy and peace on their faces when they are with their families.

The personal AND professional conflict comes with knowing there is another side to it and there are 3 things that always stick out to me during this month:

1. I think about my kiddos who will never be adopted and how the potential dread of the holidays comes a couple of weeks early because everyone is celebrating forever families and they either were unable to find a forever family or they are so connected to their biological family and didn't know how to bridge that gap through adoption because they still love their family so much.

2. I think about the kiddos out there who have been blessed with the joy of adoption at one time but how that joy faded when the cameras went away and how many of them have so much pain attached to adoption itself because of their failed one and how that must make them feel. It hurts my heart because I know its insult to injury that National Adoption Month is placed in a place right before the holiday season and is a reminder for our kiddos in residential and group home treatment and presses them to think they have no one.

3. I think about the kiddos who have been blessed with adoption and are now adults who, while they are extra grateful for the blessing of being loved, they are torn between not knowing who they are and having questions about the past and finding themselves.

I sat in a training not too long ago that listed adoption as potential trauma for youth and adolescents. I believe this is a very accurate depiction in some cases. A young person is asked to tuck away an entire history and culture of their life to move forward with a new family and sometimes the remnants of that become evident in different ways and seems as if they are ungrateful. It made me realize that while the celebration is warranted, this month can serve as a trigger for so many people. I am in the middle of watching the Red Table Talk with an adult adoptee, Angela, who was adopted by white parents. Her explanation of how she feels is SO profound and it just causes me to think more and more about how people are

feeling this month. This is where thinking outside of the box will get you, to consider the unknown by going into uncharted waters that don't always FEEL GOOD. I am not saying do not celebrate, I am saying, lets be considerate of the condition and feelings of other people. A little empathy can go a long way!

For more information on how to be sensitive during National Adoption Month follow these individuals who I really think are nailing it on the head on how to widen your thoughts and perspective on foster care and adoption.

Sue Badeau

Allison Davis Maxon

Dr. Gregory Manning

Until next time!