Dangers of Favoritism

Warning! This is a rough ride of a blog post! I will step on toes, but I will guaranteed be telling the truth. I have been holding on to this one and I found it in the vault of lost files in the notes section of my phone. So here it goes...

Working in helping professions, we have clients from walks of life in all areas, different personalities, varying backgrounds and life experiences. And overtime we have clients, patients and students we build stronger relationships with than others. These are kids and teens who connect with us, check in with us well into adulthood and we become their family, attend graduations, invite them to holidays and witness their most precious life moments. This is the reward of what we do and helps confirm that what we are doing, the career choice we made is a true calling and we are walking in purpose. This really is an amazing part!

I am here, however, to talk about another side to this amazing feeling. At times, helping professionals fall into the trap, we can call it a pitfall, but not a petty one that is so easy to drop into. In attempt to avoid offense(which is inevitable) I will use myself as an example. I have recently made a shift in my career but for most of my social worker career, I have taken on the role as an advocate for youth in foster care and worked alongside many teens in foster care with the goal to stand up for their rights and the rights of their foster brothers and sisters. Over the years I have developed bonds and connections with thousands of youth in foster care across our state and even youth in other states. There are kiddos(if you are reading this yes ya'll are still kids to me, I'm sorry!) who have met my family, stayed at my house after DHR approval, who I have accepted 3am phone calls from, the ones who call and/or text me on my personal cell. These are the young people who I feel a personal calling to ensure they are truthfully apart of my life and I consider myself a supportive adult in their lives. Let's be clear, this doesn't mean I call them everyday or vice versa, but it is guaranteed if they call and need something, my husband and I are going to do what we can or find a resource that can help.

When I was working in that field, however, I was constantly aware of the dangers of not displaying some type of favoritism for the ones closest to me and those who were not as close. It doesn't mean I give every youth in foster care in Alabama my personal cell number, but it certainly means that in my roles as an advocate I will do everything I can, call key partners, seek resources, speak up for and work just as hard on their case as I would my love babies.

Why am I writing about this? You may ask. Because now that I am no longer in the trenches of child welfare, I can now speak up without fear of retaliation that will affect my staff or my babies. NO longer can my words be held against me as collateral. I am not able to speak freely for my babies in full capacity. Don't think from one second I am speaking from the figment of my imagination. This is real life situations from the mouth of my kiddos, sharing with me their frustrations of being treated different by social workers, teachers, doctors, judges, lawyers, group home workers, state office personnel, foster parents and non profit agencies. Not to mention witnessing these things with my own eyes. I will even be honest and say there may be youth out there to this day that may feel that I am guilty of this despite my strong efforts to not be!

Imagine being a 14 year old in a group home and witnessing a peer receiving all the things they need and you haven't received anything simply because your county works different and your social worker is new and doesn't know anything and everyone you reach out to says they are going to do something and its months without any movement and you talk to a peer who has built rapport with someone important they have gotten literally EVERYTHING they have asked for and you are stuck in the mud with no rope. It is unfair.

I spent years working so hard in a jacked up system to ensure every single one of my babies felt heard. I followed up with every single thing they asked even if I personally reached a brick wall. I would even follow up with them about the brick wall and was honest with them about why it happend. If you are a doctor, nurse, social worker, counselor, teacher, police, paramedic, psychologist, I could go on, we made a commitment to treat every single person we serve with dignity and respect. This means we commit to treating every single person the same, even if we form special bonds. There is nothing wrong with that, but I am encouraging you, if you are going to go hard for one, go hard for all, this is my challenge to you. Do you accept the challenge?