Supportive Adults: A Remedy to a "Lost" Generation

In an earlier post, I discussed the highlights and struggles of being what I call a supportive adult to teens in foster care and really teens in the community. To ensure we are on the same page, I consider a supportive adult anyone who is involved in a young person's life and committed to help them become a successful and functioning member of society. I often hear adults in my generation and beyond talk with disappointed head shakes about the current youth in our community. The judgement of their tenacity in all things risk, social media and reality television. I am willing to admit the youth of this generation are unique, but I am not willing to give up on them so easily and write them off. Mostly because someone has to take on the next phase of life after I am retired on the beach somewhere. Someone invested in me, so I feel obligated to pay it forward. As a new mom I don't want anyone turning their nose up at my son saying he's a lost cause because his generation has some low points. I don't feel it is fair.

I also believe there are two sides to every story and I truly believe the younger generation is mostly plagued with their own unique barriers that are so different from my generation and generations before me. But nevertheless each generation had something. I just think adults tend to forget. I serve as a mentor for many teenagers in foster care who are apart of this generation. So many times I find myself trying to rationalize with adults who are far removed from their teenage years and who are also plagued and clouded, maybe even jaded by their own life circumstances. Because of the advocacy work I do I have developed key steps, techniques, tools and overall life lessons on how to be a supportive adult to a younger generation. I don't always get it right, but my mindset is effective. And not because of my acts solely but from a village of supportive adults willing to set their agendas aside I have watched youth of this generation break barriers, meet milestones and become influential leaders of this world. All it takes is the action of one supportive adult and here are some tips on how you can do it or at least start the process to being apart of a village of supportive adults:

1. Change your mindset

This is the first step. I have sat in countless meetings where from the beginning I can tell the adult in charge is on a power trip. Talking condescendingly, only talking problems and no solutions, stuck on the past, etc. All of these approaches are counterproductive and really with this generation, shuts them down. We are in an era where teenagers and young adults are pretty much smarter than all of us! They are the Google generation, everything is at their fingertips which also means they believe they know everything. But we are the mentors, supposedly the "more experienced" ones so we need to act accordingly. Getting into a back and forth with a young person is useless.

2. Admit when you are wrong

I learned this the hard way. When I first started as a therapist at a residential facility a young teen taught me a serious lesson about being able to humble myself and apologize when I am on a high horse and feeling extra intellectual. We as adults have to admit that we don't know everything and we get things wrong sometimes. I think this is important even as parents. You destroy trust when you can't admit this. I had to learn this the hard way early on in my social work career and haven't looked back since. There is an old school mentality still existent among adults of "I am the adult and you are the child." "Do as I say, not as I do." The problem with this type of mindset is that it creates confusion and distrust among teens and young adults and it teaches them that adults don't have to respect them, which isn't true. If we don't teach them that people are supposed to treat them with respect, how will they respect themselves?

3. Know when to step back

Sometimes we can be too pushy with adolescents and young adults. The reality is some things they must experience for themselves. We cannot dictate every aspect of their lives and sometimes taking a step back and allowing them to learn things without us being there 24/7 is better. I try to text the kiddos I mentor at least once a week, but if they don't respond, I am okay with that! They don't have to respond to me 24/7 because they know if they need me, I will do what I can to help them with what they need!

4. Don't always help for the credit

This is both a pet peeve of mine and a lesson I had to learn. We are in a world of sharing and liking things to spread the word. As supportive adults, we may be serving and assisting vulnerable populations. We may believe that sharing what we do is "helping" but not always. Sometimes we are sharing so someone can thank us and pat us on the back for the good deeds we are doing. I can admit I have been this way before. Now? Now if my kids aren't sharing their own experiences, I know now that I don't have to. I don't want to ever be caught up in sharing for the wrong reasons. So I just continue to help and assist in the background. I think more youth would receive the help they need if more of us did this. Think about how much trust we can build with young people if we allow them the opportunity to thank and share their own stories versus us rushing to share?

5. Knowing the right time to teach and mentor

Timing is everything. The bible says "to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." Supportive adults have the unique opportunity to guide teens and young adults in the right direction, but you have to know when is the right time to do this or when it is time to just be present. There is power in just being there, in showing up to a basketball game and taking a quick picture and sending it to them and saying, you were awesome today, just so they know you were there. There is power in sitting in the room while the teacher is talking about their issues they are having and turning to the youth and saying, "what are your thoughts about what she is saying?" Make your presence known sometimes versus always jumping at a teachable moment. They need to know you are there for them!

So there you have it! Whether you are a mentor, social worker, counselor, doctor, nurse, teacher, community partner or even parent.....I hope you will take these things as suggestions as improvement, not a sign that you are doing anything wrong. This is simply a guide on how to do better to help the teens and young adults in our world to do better! Hope this helps! Until next time!